For The First Time Again

I'm jaded from all that I have seen
I'm bitter but dont want to be
I'm believing can you be my unbelief?
Sometimes I think I know too much
But even then it's not enough
Can you take me back so I can move ahead?
Jesus I come.. come to you again
Just like it was the first time
I came to you for new life
I need you now as much as I did then
I need a new beginning
So Jesus I am coming
For the first time again...

For the first time again.. yes AGAIN See this song was about me and so many other people I know. When we have nowhere else to turn to Jesus we go and every single time he welcomes us with open arms, but the things is every time we turn away again. When our troubles are gone when we have that good feeling back and right back down the vicious path we go. Until we fall on our faces again at his feet begging and pleading for him to take the pain away. To take away the brokeness.. How many times do you actually have to do this cycle before you realize LOOK THIS IS WHERE I NEED TO BE... on my face at his feet.. ALWAYS... see God has saved me he had delivered me from self destruction from DEATH... but this time I wont be leaving. BUT lately I have been experiencing attacks from people who seem to be in the same place I use to be. Bitter.. BROKEN.. they keep questioning me saying who do you think you are... you use to do this you use to do that. I dont think I am anyone except a child of God who is yearning to spread his word of forgiveness. I know where I was as a woman and where so many of the woman that come to me are at. The negative words from people dont get me down they drive me to work harder and speak more. I can call them my haters. They would love to see me fail and the thing is if I was they would welcome me with open arms right back into the life of sin and death. I will forever tell people I was on mtv... yes it wasn't the best time of my life. BUT if one girl just one can learn from my story my struggle my pain then that's all that matters... Not the negative words of some person who knows nothing about me but what they see.. See in the end I will answer to only one and that is God. I wont answer to my haters I wont answer to my Pastor I wont answer to my Parents... I will only answer to God so that is how I live my life to please him and him alone.

God is so good... and he loves each and every single one of us. I never thought I'd find someone that would accept me for me and everything that comes with me. Including my PAST... but you know what.. God put a man in my life. A man who knows every secret I have a man that hasn't and wont turn his back on me. Maybe I have tried to push him.. maybe I have found myself in disbelief because no person could ever accept this.. but I was wrong when you put ur faith in God instead of man.. He brings to life things that only you could dream of. I have 2 amazing little girls that are so beautiful that love me and dont judge me. I can only strive to keep them from the pain that I once indured. God promises that when you come to him you will be forgiven and you will be like pure white snow. Because of the blood of Jesus.

Nothing is easy yes you will still pay the consequences of the life you've led but I promise this short time on earth is worth living for God. Because eternity with him is the ultimate reward.